I was repeatedly sexually harassed at conferences

Ever since the Harvey Weinstein sexual harassment revelations came out, reams have been written over similar allegations, across fields as disparate as politics, showbusiness and the NHS. The combination of power and vulnerability, where stakes are highest for the women, reminds me of a four- to five-year period in my life as a young scholar at academic conferences.Students taking undergraduate degree programmes are required to complete Work-Integrated Education (also known as a work integrated learning programme) as part of the curriculum requirement.

Academia has its own allure and power, seasoned as it is with the glitter of impact factors, fellowships, citations and tenure. I haven’t thought about that phase of my life for more than 10 years now, but the “open secret” nature of the Weinstein story, and ensuing #MeToo campaign, got me thinking. Why did I never confide in a senior mentor-like figure about my experiences? Should I have warned other young women? Most importantly, does it still happen? How would we ever know if we are not talking about it?

So here’s what it feels like to be a PhD student or a young scholar, travelling alone and staying in unusual locations.

The first time someone made sexual advances it was pretty elaborate. The fact that I did not cotton on to what was happening I put down entirely to my own naivety. I was invited to present my paper abroad. After dinner someone I had a lot of respect for and who was responsible for the opportunity to present my work, offered to take me to see an ancient temple. I agreed, because the possibility that it could be inappropriate in any way never crossed my mind.

We drove up to a pretty remote wooded area to get a view of the city, where he physically advanced towards me and tried to embrace me, while speaking about the various “love hotels” dotting the hill wset hk.

I was petrified. I knew then exactly what was happening, and that what I did or said could have an enormous impact on my wellbeing. I had no phone, didn’t speak the language and had no way to get back to town apart from the car we had driven in.

So I turned to the professor and started talking about my parents, who he had met, in an attempt to change the conversation and to remind him of who I was and the context in which he knew me. After an excruciating three to four minutes it seemed to work, and we got in the car and drove back.

Another time at the same conference, a professor asked me if I was menstruating because he could smell me and was really attracted to menstruating women. He said his wife would not care about anyone he slept with while away.

Another time, a senior academic invited me to discuss fine-tuning my presentation for a prospective publication in his hotel room. I felt I could not refuse such a kind offer of help. Once in the room, this white man started speaking about how attractive he found my darker skin. He said he could tell I was very inexperienced and that he could show me how to make love. I made my excuses, grabbed my laptop and left.

Then there was the time this senior professor who had given me my first break invited me to his room to discuss a meeting he planned to organise. This was someone I almost venerated. Once in his room he started stroking my hair. After freezing for 20 seconds or so I said we could discuss the meeting the next day at breakfast and left. We never discussed it – nor have we spoken of anything else since that day.

Looking back now, these incidents – which usually happened at events within the relative anonymity of conference hotels – have made me a lot less inclined to attend academic conferences.

Now, whenever I go, I tend to do my own thing and not socialise with groups in case opportunities to make a pass at me arise. I know now that these encounters exploited the power dynamics between me and older, tenured and published men hifu.

As I have got older, risen in seniority and gained cultural awareness since moving to Europe at the age of 23, I have had much less trouble at conferences. But I wonder whether this power dynamic continues to play out today in academia.

I have never had a sustained conversation about sexual harassment in academia, though there seems to be a lot more awareness of inappropriate behaviour now. If we don’t talk about it, how will we ever know?

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